Along the Peacock Trail ... with Mom and Dad in Tow

When we got our assignment to Chennai, we were pretty sure no one was going to make the long trek to visit us here. Wrong! We've had great visits from my sister Caroline, from John's mom, and most recently from my parents and two of my aunts. AND two of my friends are making plans to come soon. We feel loved.

 

I love these visits for many reasons, not least of which is the opportunity I get to share our sometimes nutty lifestyle. How can I describe Chennai to someone who has never experienced India? I just can't. The traffic, the heat, the smell of jasmine and incense, the smell of trash and stagnant water, dodging cows or goats as you walk down the sidewalk, the vegetable shop, battling the throngs in an effort to check out at the grocery store, colorful saris and salwars, men in lungis, children playing at construction sites while their parents labor, going through security at the consulate, the guards at the house, the oasis that is the American School, and always people, people, people everywhere! I can't describe, and I've been lucky enough to get to show instead.

 

Mom, Dad, Kathy and Aly did the Golden Triangle up north (an adventure best left for them to tell) and then came down to Chennai for a few days with us. They arrived late on a Saturday, then got some down time and church on Sunday. We lost Monday to Evie's strep throat and the chaos that is Apollo Children's Hospital, where they did blood work. (Nothing alarming. They always do blood work when anyone has a fever for more than a couple of days in case of malaria or dengue. Evie's was fine.) Dad came with me on the medical rounds and panicked me a little by disappearing at the main hospital's pharmacy. No worries, though. He navigated the crowds like a pro and popped up just as I was getting truly worried, blood pressure meds in hand.

 

The next day we did the StoryTrails tour of Mylapore, one of Chennai's more famous neighborhoods. I've written about the Peacock Trail here, so I'll let you click back for the history and dedicate the rest of this post mostly to photos.

 

The gopuram at the Kapaleeshwarar Temple.

 

 

 

The kolam at the temple's main gate.

Worshipers at Ganesha's shrine just inside the temple gates.

A view of the temple courtyard as we walked clockwise around the central shrines.

The roofs of the shrines are decorated with scenes from Hindu mythology, as are the two gopurams.

Women stringing flowers outside the inner sanctum.

I saw this bicycle basket with bell peppers (called capsicum here) next to the counter where we left our shoes.

Walking down one of the lanes around the temple.

Laundry hanging in the courtyard at a Brahmin priest's home. The basil plant is thought to be home to a goddess, so the pot is decorated with tamarind paste and vermillion. This was the first I'd ever heard of the sacred basil plant. We've been plucking the leaves from the one in our yard to use in cooking. I hope that's not offensive to anyone, because I plan to keep doing it!

After walking around the temple and its neighboring streets, we took autorickshaws over to St. Thomas Basilica, which I've written about here and here. It's the burial place of St. Thomas the Apostle, otherwise known as Doubting Thomas, who brought Christianity to India almost 2,000 years ago.

It's hard to see in this picture, but there are two peacocks at the feet of the statue of Christ over the altar in the church. (Note to Sarah: This is what was covered up on the day we visited.) Mylapore, the name of the neighborhood, means "place of the peacocks" in Tamil and is traced back to the beginnings of the Kapaleeshwarar Temple. The Hindus believe that Parvati, or Shakti, worshipped Shiva there in the form of a peacock. Our guide pointed out several places at St. Thomas Basilica where the ancient peacock theme has been rolled into the Catholic symbolism. It was here in the "new" church as well as on stone taken from the old Portuguese church that used to stand on this site.

There's also a statue of Mary wrapped in a sari. The locals always point out that the sari is wrapped in the north Indian style, probably because the way Mary is holding the infant Jesus makes it impossible to wrap her in the southern style.

Our tour ended with idlis and dosas at Saravana Bhavan ... yum.

More to come on Mom, Dad, Kathy, and Aly's visit, including photos of the intrepid travelers themselves!

Bye-bye, Ruben!



A friend and I were talking about foreign service life, and she said something that really struck me. I don't remember her exact words, but here's the gist:

 

"I was prepared for the upheaval the family would feel every time we moved, every two or three years," she said. "But I wasn't prepared for the fact that people would be coming and going all the time. That's a kind of upheaval, too."

 

It's true. Every few months, people leave post and new families come in to take their places. It's almost constant change for us. I've lived most of my life this way, and I have to admit that saying goodbye never gets easier.

 

Just before my parents came to visit, we had to say goodbye to a fantastic family. Their oldest son, Ruben, is one of Evie's best friends, and I'm going to miss his mom terribly.

 

Here are some photos from Evie's last afternoon with Ruben and Rohan. I'm posting several, because I think you get a little of her personality in the series.

 

 

And here's one that's just too cute to leave out:

 

 

Playing dress-up

 

I've always wanted to have enough space for a play room, and here we're lucky enough to have it. One corner of the room is dedicated to dress-up, and the kids sometimes go pretty wild. Here's Evie with hats everywhere but on her head.

 

 

Who is this masked man? (Clue: He's still toting a car or two.)

Evie, Samuel and friends Ruben and Rohan on parade:

Midnight madness

 

Most of Johnny's friends were out of town in July, so we postponed his "friends" birthday party until the last weekend in August. It was 18 hours of pure tween boy madness.

 

I love watching them at this age. They're just on the brink of becoming true big kids, but they're not quite there.

 

Their play during the party included lots of building with Legos and K'nex, and I wish I'd gotten a photo of the incredible roller coaster they had running over our second floor railing and into the entryway below.

 

They also put together a Star Wars Night Show, which I was required to attend as an honored guest. It featured a light show, demonstrations of the roller coaster, and a performance by their band. Here they are in full jam-session swing.

 

 

The crew on best behavior for a photo with the cake:

Here's what they were holding back:

The night included much discussion of the relative merits of Star Trek and Star Wars, and also of the relative merits of the original Star Wars trilogy and "the new stuff." What other movie would they choose, then, but Star Wars: Return of the Jedi? A New Hope got a viewing the next morning.

There were too many light saber duels to count. I thought Max had gotten pretty creative in his choice of weaponry by morning. It's sort of a Davy Crockett/Star Wars/Tangled ensemble.

And here we are devouring a pancake breakfast. Extra points if you can spot Samuel in the thick of things.

Much fun was had by all. Mom got very little sleep, Evie is now in love with two or three of Johnny's friends (though I think that was coming on before the party), nothing was destroyed, and everybody's still the best of friends. I'd call that success.

I won't be doing this again anytime soon, though.

Oodles of noodles

Here's Gopal making homemade noodles for his amazing Burmese noodles dish. Mmmmmmm.

 

 

A little beauty

My neighbors' kolam was a little fancier than usual on Tuesday.

 

World gone crazy

From our first days in Chennai, I've been struck by how safe and peaceful things feel. We've just learned how fleeting that feeling can be.

My parents and two aunts have been visiting us, and last Friday I took them into the Consulate for a quick tour. John took us around the consular section and explained what he does every day, part of which is interviewing visa applicants to try to determine whether they are going to the U.S. with peaceful intentions.

Security was a little tighter than usual because of the anniversary of September 11 and also because of the violence in Libya and Egypt. Nothing to worry about, though. We left the Consulate and did a couple of errands and were headed home when we got a call from John. The Consulate was being evacuated early in the afternoon, because our security team had reports that a few Muslims might march on the mission after Friday prayers.

Here's what things looked like a couple of hours later:

Photo from The Hindu, a local paper

Photo from the Associated Press

There have been protests of varying degrees of violence for the last few days, and the Consulate has remained closed to the public since Friday. Obviously, we're a bit shell-shocked, but we are safe. The violence has been limited to the area right around the Consulate so far, and our regional security team is doing a good job of keeping us informed about what's going on. The kids' school didn't close until today, and the closure is because of an unrelated national bandh that had been planned for a while.

Despite all the craziness, we've been able to be out and about as long as we avoid the areas right around the Consulate. That's one of the busiest areas of town, though, and the non-Muslim population here (majority Hindu) is not amused. The police are concerned that the upheaval will ignite Hindu/Muslim tensions, which are always simmering just under the surface calm in this part of the world. I spent some time reading comments on local news web sites, and I'd say a good 90 percent of the comments were anti-protesters, with varying degrees of religious intolerance thrown in.

I don't want to get all political, but speaking as someone in the thick of things (though things certainly aren't as thick here as they are in the Middle East), I'll tell you what bugs me:

1. Large groups of people with little education and little understanding of concepts like freedom of speech who are easily influenced by radical leaders. They resort to violence at the slightest provocation and end up proving their critics right. They make things dangerous for our military, our diplomatic force, and frankly for the entire world.

2. People who glory in provoking that first group by producing inflammatory films, cartoons or whatever. What can they possibly hope to prove?

3. People who think that second group has no responsibility at all for this mess. It's not spineless to avoid that kind of provocation; it's wise. There are infinitely better ways to try to make a difference in the world.

4. Armchair diplomats who get irate about real diplomats without the slightest understanding of what actually happens in embassies and consulates around the world.

This situation also gives me a list of things I love and appreciate:

1. The hard, dangerous work done by our military and civilian security forces around the world.

2. People who have the desire to perform the difficult and often dangerous work of diplomacy. They have a vision of the peaceful place the world can be.

3. Friends from all over the world -- Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, and some who aren't religious at all -- who have made it a point to reach out to us to express their disappointment in what's happening.

4. All of the random people I've met while running errands and visiting places around Chennai who have made it clear that they disapprove of the protests and particularly of the violence.

Demonstrations continue, and we're not sure when things will settle down. We're praying things die down very soon.

Here's a slideshow from one local paper with images from the most recent demonstrations.

And here's a slideshow from the same paper with images of people preparing for the Hindu festival Ganesha Chaturthi, which is taking place now as well. It's strange to think that these things are happening at the same time in the same place. More proof of India's incredible complexity.

 

Isaac weds Richela

I've been sitting on this post for months, because I'm still trying to wrap my head around the problems facing the LDS church in India when it comes to marriage. I've decided I'm never going to have clear thoughts on the subject, so here goes ...

Many people spend an entire tour in India and don't get to be guests at an Indian wedding. We've been to five weddings now. Other Americans at the Consulate actually come to us and ask when we're going to the next one, because they'd like to tag along. We're just lucky, I guess.

Each of the weddings we've been to has had the cultural basics: dinner, a bride piled with jewelry, a dais on which the married couple stands so that everyone can admire them. But there have been significant differences, too.

Joseph and Queen Mary were married at an open-air, dirt-floored Catholic church on the outskirts of town. They both come from poor families, and their marriage was arranged by Joseph's grandfather and Queen Mary's parents.

Gabriel and Priya were the hot gossip for a while, because they actually had a love marriage AND Priya converted from Hinduism to Catholicism. The ceremony took place at San Thome Basilica and had a few elements of a traditional Hindu marriage thrown in. Then there was a lavish dinner and reception across the street. Priya's parents have come around to the idea of a love marriage, but there are many in the extended family who are very upset about it.

Sri Krishna and Deepa's (and here) wedding was the only one we've been to that was purely Hindu. It had all the old traditions (multiple priests, drumming, Deepa's name was changed) with a few new traditions thrown in (man swallowing razor blades, anyone?). The marriage was arranged by their parents, and Sri Krishna and Deepa were clearly still getting used to the idea of being together. They barely knew each other.

Suyash and Cheryl's wedding included the traditional Hindu ceremony, which is pretty strange, because they're both Mormons. We were asked to stand in for Cheryl's parents, too, which turned out to mean that we had a huge role in the ceremony. Suyash just recently got a visa to go to the U.S., so as soon as Cheryl's new Indian visa comes through (which will allow her to enter the country again after she leaves it ... long story) they'll be sealed in one of the LDS temples there. This one (obviously) is a love marriage. There are many in Suyash's family who are not happy about that (or about his conversion to Christianity, either).

This brings us to Isaac and Richela. Isaac and Richela were married in an LDS ceremony at our new church building, and the next week they flew to Hong Kong to be sealed in the temple there. Though they've known each other for a while (the LDS community here is very small), their marriage was arranged by their parents. Mind blowing, I tell you.

After they were pronounced "man and wife," Isaac put a gold chain around Richela's neck, which is the Indian equivalent of exchanging rings. I'll just mention here that all five Indian weddings we've attended (both arranged and "love" marriages) have skipped the "kiss the bride" part. I have never once seen an Indian couple kiss, not even at a wedding. I rarely see an Indian couple holding hands, though seeing friends of the same gender holding hands is extremely common.

Then Isaac and Richela signed the legal documents and, voila, they were married. Isn't Richela's bouquet pretty? I love yellow roses.

After the ceremony, Richela changed from her white gown to a traditional wedding sari for the reception, which was very similar to every other reception we've attended. The bride and groom stood on a decorated dais and had their picture taken with every single guest while everyone else ate a fantastic meal.

Here are the caterers with just one of several giant pots of biriyani ... mmmm ... biriyani.

And here's what John has dubbed "the wedding feeding trough." Everyone's lined up with their banana leaves, eating amazing food with their fingers. It's the only way to do it, people! Delicious.

Here's the reception line. Getting married in India requires some stamina on the part of the bride and groom. They have to stand around looking gorgeous for hours!

Despite my cultural squeamishness about the arranged part of Isaac and Richela's marriage, I'm really happy for them. I think they're well suited, and I've already seen them chipping away at taboos against showing affection. They sat in front of us in church a few weeks ago, and he had his arm around her shoulders, which doesn't sound like much but is actually pretty incredible.

Now to the topic why marriage is such a problem for the LDS church in India. In the West, marriage is generally a joining of individuals. In India, marriage is a joining of families and communities. It has very little to do with the bride and groom and everything in the world to do with the fortunes and futures of their families. The old caste system still strongly influences marriage, even among people who have technically left their caste by leaving Hinduism.

The bride and groom are considered too young and inexperienced to make a good decision when it comes to something so communally important as marriage, so they obey their parents and marry the person the older generation thinks is appropriate. The "appropriateness" is often based on Hindu astrology, caste, perceived temperament, and family fortune.

I was shocked at how ingrained this idea is when I attended a branch council meeting in which the problem of marriage was discussed. There are a ton of young, single adults in all three Chennai branches -- and no one's marrying each other. It's a problem of church growth as well as personal progress. Marriage is arranged by the parents, and their parents aren't members of the church and so arrange marriages within the traditional Hindu communities. The children can't fathom disobeying their parents when it comes to something so important, so they marry outside the church and go inactive.

In the meeting, we were talking about how to solve the problem through YSA activities. Well, what actually happened was the branch president hesitatingly brought up the idea and was then met with uncomfortable silence followed by arguments about whether YSA activities were appropriate.

"They already have an activity once a year!"

"But their parents won't come to meet the girls."

"But who's going to chaperone?"

"But they can't talk to each other."

Someone brought up Isaac and Richela, meaning to say that they knew each other through YSA and that probably helped bring about the marriage. This was instantly shot down by several members of the branch council, including Isaac's mother, who insisted over and over that it was an arranged marriage. The implication clearly was that if the marriage hadn't been arranged it would have been inappropriate in some way.

I mentioned that John and I met at a YSA activity, but for the most part I just sat there and watched them struggle with the totally foreign idea that young people might be able to meet and marry on their own.

I told the mission president's wife about this experience when we were talking the other day, and she told me about several similar stories. She thinks the biggest problem the church faces here now is that the young people aren't marrying each other. I agree, and I don't see the problem getting solved for some time ... a generation or two, at least.

What I can't figure out is this: Is the real problem that the marriages are being arranged outside the church or that they're being ARRANGED? Is it my Western culture that makes me balk at the idea of an arranged marriage, or is there something morally wrong with it? Does the sealing power make a difference in this argument? Do two people have to love each other before they're sealed, or can they be sealed and then learn to love?

Any ideas?