Gabriel weds Priya

If you follow this blog at all, you know that we were recently guests of honor at our driver's daughter's wedding. Ashok has been talking and stressing out about this wedding from the moment he started working for us (and before that, too, I'm sure), so I looked forward to the Great Event with a lot of curiosity.

We were honored guests at Joseph's wedding back in September, but this was an entirely different affair. There are differences in economic status and (I suspect) social caste, and Joseph was the groom and had little to do with planning the event. Ashok, on the other hand, is a proud father of the bride and under pressure to put on a show. Indian weddings are insanely lavish. There's a long post's worth of discussion about the wisdom/morality of this, but I'll save that for another time and instead show you a bit of Priya and Gabriel's wedding.

I've mentioned before that Priya's engagement was the talk of the Consulate community. It's a "love marriage," which is still extremely uncommon here (most marriages are arranged by the parents) AND she converted from Hinduism to Catholicism during the courtship. Ashok seems totally fine with it all. He told me he's happy that she's happy, and I really think that's true. There's been all kinds of drama about it in the extended family, but you'd never know it from the partying that went on at this wedding.

The ceremony was at San Thome Basilica, which is believed to be built over the tomb of St. Thomas, one of the 12 apostles of Christ. I didn't know until I moved here that Thomas is thought to have traveled to India in AD 52 and that the traditional site of his martyrdom is here in Chennai. Another post for another day.

We were waiting in the church for Priya to arrive, when suddenly we heard what sounded like a small marching band out in the street. John ran out the front to see what was going on and discovered that the music was announcing Priya's arrival! Our friend Anne-Claire (also a wedding guest) assured us that this did not happen at her Catholic wedding in Texas.

You can just see the band behind the groom's shoulder. That's a very proud Ashok in the pink shirt. Behind him you can see the orange canopy welcoming people to the reception across the street.

Priya was so decked out in jewelry that she absolutely glittered walking down the aisle. There's always room for more gold, though. The weddings we've seen here so far don't include a ring ceremony, but the groom places gold jewelry around the bride's neck.

Shortly after this, we got to participate by throwing flower petals and rice at the couple. They do it during the ceremony rather than on the way out of the church, but it has a similar meaning -- blessing for the couples' future.

Priya's red and gold sari is traditional Hindu wedding dress, while the white veil is Christian.

The ceremony ended with an exchange of these enormous flower garlands.

San Thome Basilica is a sightseeing stop, so right around this point in the ceremony a huge group of Korean tourists swarmed us and started taking pictures of everyone and everything. Awkward! I mean, it's one thing for John to be up in everyone's faces (he's the one who took most of these photos). He was invited -- an honored guest, people! The scene made me want to be more aware of what I might be interrupting as a tourist.

Here's a first family photo of the married couple.

After the ceremony, we had some time to kill before heading over to the reception. We spent some of it hanging out with the other newlyweds.

Queen Mary, Joseph, Evie, and Samuel

Gopal with Samuel

Meanwhile, Priya and Gabriel headed to the car ... Why?? The reception was across the street! Granted, it was a very busy street. There were men stationed on either side of the road whose job was to walk out in front of oncoming traffic and get cars/autorickshaws/motorbikes/buses/etc. to stop so guests could cross from the basilica to the reception hall. I'm happy to report that we all made it to the party and later back to the car with no injury.

The bride and groom were accompanied by the band, of course.

We also took a little time to explore the church and to see the tomb of St. Thomas, which you reach through a building behind the main church. It was a beautiful place, and it was both peaceful and exciting to think we were standing where one of the original Twelve might have stood. There's a beautiful stained glass window at the back of the church that depicts the "Doubting Thomas" scene from the Bible.

And here's the church from the front, all lit up. This photo might give an idea of the kind of traffic we had to wade through to get to the reception, too.

I just had to include this picture of us outside the reception hall. There were gigantic displays like this one all over the place. Some were made with shiny fabrics, some with flowers, but all were enormous! This is where my Western sensibilities clash with Indian ideas regarding beauty, or classy-ness, or whatever.  I have no idea what Johnny thinks he's doing ... or what Samuel and Evie are looking at ... or why there's a motorcycle parked in front of this obviously important, expensive display.

The necklace I'm wearing reminds me that I nearly committed a major fashion faux pas. This was my first time wearing a sari (since high school, anyway). My neighbor helped me wrap it, and I thought I was good to go. She offered me some bangles, but my hands are huge so none of them fit. No big deal. But it is a big deal! As we were leaving, my friends' driver (Ashok was a little busy with the wedding, so we caught a ride) asked in shock: "Are you going bare?!?" Bare? He explained that I couldn't go to the wedding without jewelry or I'd bring horribly bad luck to the bride and groom. What was I thinking? I raced back upstairs and found a necklace and bracelet so as not to ruin the evening for everyone. My jewelry collection is pretty sad. I hope to rectify this situation, but I need someone who knows something about jewelry to help me out. Anyone? I keep getting told that India is THE place to buy jewelry.

Moving on.

I've decided that it must be dreadful to be the bride and groom at an Indian wedding. There's all this partying going on around you -- music, good food, general excitement and happiness -- and all you get to do is be on display. My friend Kirsten, who married an Indian American in a Hindu ceremony, confirms this idea. Here's what Gabriel and Priya did for hours:

They do look fantastic, though. Here's their audience:

Ashok and his wife draped us with the jasmine garlands as we entered the hall to honor us as principal guests. We also got a front row seat and saw our pictures flashed on a huge TV with alarming frequency. Johnny was eyeing the cake, and he's still annoyed that we left before he got a piece. I don't think cake was served until well into the night, and we wanted to get the kids into bed at a reasonable hour. Sorry, Johnny.

John thinks it's hilarious that I'm all dressed up and carrying this well-used diaper bag. I like this diaper bag. It's very useful.

After we had our picture taken with Gabriel and Priya, we went downstairs for the best part of any Indian party: the food! It was plentiful and delicious. Since some of the guests were Brahmin, they had a separate room for the strict vegetarians.

The Westerners were given plates and spoons, while the Indians were served on banana leaves, following South Indian tradition. This photo shows a small part of the hall, and upstairs was packed, too. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more than 1,000 guests.

Look! Biriyani!

I wish I had gotten a photo of the food preparation area, but I only saw it on a sprint to the bathroom with Evie. Everything was cooked in huge black pots over coal fires by men wearing lungis.

Lots of people come to Chennai for a two-year post and never get to see a wedding, so we've been really lucky to be invited to two. We will be attending our third just after Christmas. This one will be a Hindu ceremony, and we've been asked to take the role of the bride's family. Stay tuned!