This is the real India

Expats in developing nations run a real risk of living in a protective bubble, of moving from the embassy, to the nicer shops, to their cleaned and air-conditioned homes without a thought about the lives of the people around them.

Shortly after we arrived in Chennai, one of John's fellow officers urged us to get out and about in the city as quickly as we could. Otherwise, he said, you'll get too comfortable with sending the housekeeper out to do grocery shopping and the driver to run errands. You'll hole up in the house and never get to know the country that's hosting you for two years. We've tried to take his advice, and I feel like we have two things going for us on that front. We attend church in a local branch, and we have household help. Both of these things give us a close connection to Indian families, and today we got immersed in the ultimate in Indian family tradition. Joseph - our house cleaner and frequent babysitter - got married.

Everything in India is done in a crowd. What else can happen when there are 1.2 BILLION people around? A wedding is no exception. Joseph is Catholic, so the wedding included a full mass. It really was this crowded.

There was no exchange of rings, but during part of the ceremony, Joseph placed a gold chain around Queen Mary's (yes, that's really her name) neck. Gold is THE THING in India. Evie asked me the other day why all the men wear gold bracelets. Bracelets are for girls, don't you know. Not in India. In India, gold in any form is for everyone.

This was Johnny's first real exposure to another religion, and he was full of questions. He was especially interested in Communion. We had some good discussion at home about the similarities and differences between the Catholic service and our Sacrament meetings. He's growing up! I'm pausing to wipe a tear (really).

I have to say this was an eye-opening day for Johnny in many ways. Joseph's family is not wealthy, though not poorest of the poor. The church was open air and had a dirt floor. It was in the middle of the bride's neighborhood, and one of her close relatives opened her home to us and allowed us to use the bathroom and rest there before and after the ceremony. I wish I could have taken a picture of the home, but I couldn't think of a way to do it without offending. The house was a small two-room structure with a kitchen around the back and a bathroom (a "squat toilet," as is the norm here -- we're getting used to them) built on to the outside. There was no running water, just a communal pump out in the street. The rooms had no windows. There were openings between the walls and the roof for air circulation that let in a little bit of light. It reminded me of homes I sometimes visited on my mission in Brazil ... right down to the smell of damp brick and cement. The family was wonderfully hospitable and the home was neat and clean. The woman (she only spoke Tamil, so I never caught her name) opened a new bar of soap for us and gave me powder for my face and the kids -- very generous gestures. Johnny noticed all: the chickens running around, the dirt floor of the courtyard, the smell of garbage in the street, the mats instead of beds, and the happiness of every person at that wedding.

Back to said wedding. We had seats of honor as employers of the groom.

The last part of the ceremony was an exchange of flower garlands and a handshake from the priest. Joseph is married!

Now for the fun part. Everyone came forward to congratulate the bride and groom, including this somewhat rowdy group of Joseph's single buddies.

Every single person who congratulated the couple also got a picture taken with them. This took forever ... luckily, no one waited around for the bride and groom before serving the food.

The older gentleman on the right is our cook, Gopal. He's Joseph's grandfather and raised Joseph from infancy.

A rearranging of chairs and bringing in of long tables turns the church into a party hall.

Sam the man

The traditional food at an Indian wedding is biryani, wonderful, mouthwatering, delicious biryani ... You know you want some. It's a spicy rice dish made with chicken, mutton or shrimp for non-vegetarians and with roasted vegetables for the vegetarians. At Joseph's wedding, it was a chicken biryani served with sweet onions in a yogurt sauce. Tasty! Dessert was a blob of yellow something that tasted like extremely sweet cream of wheat with a hint of licorice. It was actually pretty good. Tamilians traditionally eat with the fingers of the right hand, and since there were no utensils to be seen, that's what we did, too. As guests of honor, we got plates. Most of the wedding guests ate from a green paper mat, which is a quicker, easier, less expensive way to do the traditional banana leaf.

The man in the blue shirt is our driver, Ashok. His daughter is getting married in November, and he's proud as can be. He talks about it constantly, alternating between excitement about the wedding and annoyance at the cost. The cost of a traditional Indian wedding, be it Christian, Hindu, or Muslim, is outrageous. The bride's family provides a new sari for a whole list of female relatives, and the fanciness of the sari increases with the closeness of the relationship. Ashok is spending over 30,000 rupees on invitations alone (1,000 invitations!) ... That's almost three times his monthly salary - just for invitations. When a family has a baby girl, they start socking money away immediately. It's incredible! It's insane! I could go on and on! But I'd better not.

Ohhhh, biryani ...

Evie at first complained that the food was too spicy, but then she devoured her entire plate (and stole chicken from some neighbors) so I guess it wasn't so bad.

Master Johnny at ease

John told me not to post this picture, but I can't help it. He's a master at eating Tamil-style.

We told Gopal that this biryani was good, but not as good as what he makes for us. He thought we were just being polite, but seriously, it's worth a trip to India just to eat Gopal's biryani. Get over here and try it!

The kids were quiet on the way home. Samuel was sleeping, Evie was busy watching life go on outside the car windows, and Johnny was contemplative. Joseph's wedding was an amazing experience, and I'm so glad we got to be part of it.